I'm nursing a bad headache right now but I'm still happy and drowning in gratitude. Lemme tell you why:

1.I've got a great job right now that lets me meet the most interesting people ever. I have opportunities to talk to some local legends, like Jazz Goddess Jacqui Magno. It's the bomb! My job rocks!

2. I have the sweetest set of best friends. I have these people to talk me down into not doing stupid things, encourage me when I need it and just love me for who and what I am - nuttiness and partial psychosis and all. I wouldn't trade them for anything else in the world.


3. I have beautiful kids who are smart, polite (most of the time) and happy. They keep me sane and grounded every single day.


4. I've got a wonderful Mother and Aunt who keep in the straight and narrow. A family that will always be there for me and will always look out for me.

5. I've got opportunities to travel the world! Meet new people, see new sights, enjoy new things.

So, in perspective, a headache is nothing to be grumpy about.

CB01 - 8 Days of pure insanity!

Sometimes the battle is harder to win than the actual war. It doesn't really matter who wins or loses so long as you feel you've lucked out.

Is it so weird that I feel free?

I'm quite exhausted, but it's a good kind of exhaustion.

Spent the entire day fixing the layout of my new magazine. I've gotten the vote and approval of one of my partners and all I need to do is charm the other partners.

I'm so excited! Like squeal in a pitch that only dogs can hear excited.

If all goes according to schedule, we're launching the magazine by March.

(squee!) I'll keep you posted.

There's this guy at work that I had an altercation with just today. It was nasty, it was ugly and it was done in front of the class. Trust me, he's going down.

Of all the stupid fucking things he had to do, this was by far the stupidest. He launched a personal attack and he did it without any grace that he deserves whatever's going to come to him.

Stupid. Stupid.

Time to knock you down off your freaking high horse.

"Sleep, Eat, Rest and Breathe" are all action words, not nouns...

***

I just need to get through Saturday and I'll be fine. I just need to make sure I have enough sanity and patience to make it run smoothly.

***

And for the record, this is the last time I'm ever doing this. I'll reconsider if I get to call all the shots and make people get up from their asses and do something.

Oh, and the privilege of stapling their mouths shut if I hear another lame complaint about something so freaking mundane.

Paminsan minsan may mga topak din naman tayo di ba? I have my weird days na parang wala ni isang bagay ang tumama. Walang ulam, walang kanin, walang coke ni walang lucky me instant mami - dapat chicken ha?

Ewan ko ba, lately parang depressed na depressed ako. I think it's the fucking night shift. I need my sunshine!! Sabi ko nga tatlo lang ang nagpapasaya sa akin: 1. Pamilya ko, 2. Pagkain at 3. Sunshine. Para tuloy akong si Superman na nanghihina pag makulimlim.

Wala akong ganang pumasok sa mangilang ilang dahilan, wala akong ganang gumimik kasi wala akong pera, wala akong ganang mag ayos kasi what's the point di ba? Umeffort pa ba? Haay... basta.

letche... makaag ayos na nga. Lunes na naman, kayod kabayo muna ulit ako

We had a lovely day yesterday. We went to Fort Santiago, saw San Agustin Church, saw the Rizal shrine and had a lovely meal at Harbor View where the onaks had a feast of Filipino dishes and feasted on the view.

Then came dessert. We ordered halo halo for them. I spent a fair amount of time explaining what halo halo is. Some brave souls went to try to and it was hilarious watching them eat it!

"Wow...it's like a surprise in every scoop."

"You guys really like your vegetables. You even have it in your dessert." (talking about the beans and the corn in the halo halo)

"It kinda pops in your mouth like a stringy gummi bear" (describing the kaong)

It was fun - they were willing to try something new and they liked it so far.

These guys... I like.

Started LR1 last Monday. Looks like they're a good group. Hopefully they live up to the expectations.

I'm sitting at the gate lobby of JAX international airport. I'm waiting for my plane going to NYC, as sponsored by my Kuya Dave. (Tenks!)

I'm so excited!! I feel like I'm going to burst anytime. I've always wanted to go to NYC and thank the stronger forces out there that they've given me this opportunity. I wish I can fly to Paris next, but that's pushing my luck.

***

Ok, Heroes update: Can I just say that Tim Kring made Season 2 really worth the slow wait. The latest episode where...(ok, I realize that you guys in the islands have not yet seen the new episodes so I'm just going to shut up and not tell you anything) basta! Ang galing galing!!! Pakshet ka Tim Kring! May sanib ka, pramis.

I like the fact that the characters have become deeper, showing their human side more than their "hero" side. Interestingly enough, the one character to watch out for in this series would be Mohinder Suresh. Takezo Kensei seems to be interesting too, however I'm biased since he's Sark and he's one of my favorite villains as well.

***

There's another TV series here that I'm hooked on: Chuck. It's about this guy who works at the nerd herd (electronic shop - think Abenson's) and apparently had an entire FBI department file downloaded in his head. He gets a really hot blonde chick as a quasi girlfriend however, she's an undercover agent and is using him.

I'm not so sure that we'd get it back in the Pinas. I wish we could though. Sana RPN or ETC can pick it up. (Crossing my fingers)

***

Ever since I got here, I've been speaking more Tagalog than I have ever had in my entire life. Being in another country gives you a certain perspective. I'm prouder to be Filipino when I'm not in my country. Should that be cause for alarm?

In a sea full of whites, I stand out like a bronze diyosa. Bongga ako dito mga veklers, ang ganda ganda ko. Syempre, ang sarap sabihin na "Sorry kids, I'm happily married. Been married for 5 years and I've got 5 kids" Sabay walk out. Pasensyahan na lang ha? Alam kong maganda ako pero may asawa na ako.

My hubby should feel sooo lucky right now. Hehehe!

***

I'm really really missing home. I wish I can just have my family here. At least, kahit pagod sa trabaho, pag uwi mo, kasama mo na ang mga bagets.

Kahit saan ka naman mapunta, happiness all depends on the kind of life you want to lead. Kahit saan ka pumunta, mahirap ang buhay. You just have to really work for the kind of life that you want. Ok lang sa akin na tumira dito, now I can see that, pero I have to be with my family or else mamamatay ako.

Olats ako sa pagiging OFW.

"I am alone in a hotel room tonight
I squeeze the sky out
but there's not a star appears
begin my studies with this paper and this pencil
and I'm working through the grammar of my fears..."

I love this line from the song "Language or the kiss" by the Indigo girls. I'm starting to think that they've made a pact with some devil to have that enviable gift of writing songs.

Literally, this is so me right now - well, it has been me for the past week.

***

The funny thing is, I've been known to be independent and I have the tendency to do things on my own. However, I've never felt like I was alone until now.

***

I felt this way when I was in Australia. I succumbed to depression, and allowed myself to be dragged to the cesspools of sorrow.

I feel like this now, but you have to add a few other ingredients to the mix - like confusion, frustration, aggravation and absolution.

***

I know this isn't like Australia. I know that this time around, I don't have angry white people planning their next witch hunt against me. I know that I have someone to talk to when I need to. I know that I'm coming back to something so beautiful that I welcome the longing and anticipation.

My kids will be tortured with lots of hugs and sloppy kisses. My hubby will...well, you know...

I still have a silver lining. I can see it shining.

The thing with traveling is that you get to see new places and explore new things.

The good thing about traveling is that you get to appreciate different cultures and expose yourself to the richness the land can offer.

The bad thing about traveling is that you ma, oftentimes look like and idiot and humiliate yourself in public.

***

There are no accessible smoking areas in our site, where we work. It's bad enough that we are in a hotel where smoking is 100% unacceptable, it's worse when you can't even smoke freely in the parking lot of your building.

Our building is roughly the size of a small country. It's huge - gargantuan even. Now, even if there's that whole space, you still have to smoke in designated areas, usually and preferably about 60 meters away from any building entrance. The closest smoking area in our sub building is out the parking lot and through a revolving door.

Take note that this is the first day at work, meaning we still need to borrow a badge from someone so that we can freely come in and out. So, we did. The only catch is, there's only one badge and three of us. Take into consideration that these electronic badges need to be swiped at every entrance and exit you go through.

The only thing stopping us from stepping outside to get our nicotine fix is this huge revolving door. Now, I want you to read the next paragraph with an active imagination.

There we were, God - a tall bulky man, Becky - a glamazon fag and me, staring at the enemy. Ok, let's go in, I said. I swiped the badge over at the thingee and immediately tried to pass it on to Becky. Becky decides to slip in the space with me and God, out of panic, jumps in again. We think we're good when suddenly, the doors stop. We suddenly realized that we're stuck and that we have the badge inside the space with us. One phrase was reverberating in the space. "Oh, shit."

We see this other guy coming in and we panicked! We were torn between asking for help or suffer humiliation. Well, what do you know, the guy looks at us like we were freaks (which, now in retrospect I realize that we did look like freaks) and stands there and stares at us. Finally, another guy came and helped us out, right after he controlled his loud and uncontrolled laughter.

***

I felt like I was Duday in the big city. Kakahiya!

After three time zone shifts, three plane changes and 16 hours of actual flight, I'm now at my temporary refuge.

Charlotte is a nice enough city. It's green even though there's a huge drought. The weather is just perfect for my fall/winter collection. In shiyort, MALAMEG!

***

I'm tired. I can't feel my ass anymore because I've been sitting on it since 6 AM. I've got three kinds of currencies in my wallet and I feel displaced.

***

I miss my hubby.

I miss my kids.

***

Let's see where this goes.

I'm not excited about my upcoming trip. Others think that it's such a cool thing to do - to be sent for training in another country with all the expenses paid. However, I'm honestly and truly torn.

I don't want to go because I'm not even gone and yet I miss my family terribly.

I don't know how I'll get by without my hubby's hugs and kisses. I think I'll be spending so much in overseas calls.

I don't know how I'd go through each day without having to kiss my children - smelly feet, drool and all.

***

But I'm doing this for them.

****

Happy birthday Brew! I miss you too man.

The art of war in terms of office politics is simple: Stay low, have a clean nose and make sure there ain't shit in your backyard.

Only an idiot would make public his plans of supreme dominance. If you flaunt it too much, they'll notice that you're an idiot and will make a French revolution look tame.

Rule #1: Know who the players are. This way, you'll know which minions to control. You can't pretend you want and like everybody when you almost always act like a schizo.

Rule #2: If you're going to complain about something, make it look like you actually did something. Don't act like an asshole and pretend that you did all the hard work when everybody knows you didn't. That works against you.

Rule #3: Value relationships. You want someone to celebrate your victory with. Do NOT assume everyone likes you. They might be polite and wouldn't want to hurt your feelings.

Rule #4: Make sure that there isn't any shit in your backyard. People are vindictive. Do not assume they'll keep your secrets safe.

Remember - be Guiltless, Blameless and Faultless

The itinerary is final. Leaving on the 4th of November and will land in Charlotte, NC first. Will travel to Jacksonville a couple of weeks later, then on to Virginia and back to NC again before I head back to Manila.

The other guys who got there first said it's really frickin cold here. I'm breaking out the coats, trench coats and windbreakers. I'll be dead once that freezing wind hits my face.

I know my brown tropical ass will die frozen there.

Gael Garcia Bernal is going to shoot part of his new film here in Manila come December.

Can I just say, nakakainis?

I actually can pass for the requirements they're asking for. Kaya ito, kaso nga lang, WALA AKO DITO SA DECEMBER!!!! Hindot...

***

I swore off showbusiness, permanently.

I know it sounds fickle since I've been wanting to go back and when I was given a chance, I actually give it up in favor of the corporate world again.

I love acting. I love being on television and I do love the fact that my being a bitch is such a comic factor whilst in character. The sad part is, acting won't feed my children and won't give them baon.

***

I'm a very firm and avid believer of the saying "everything happens for a reason". And I know there's a reason somewhere in the midst of all this.

I just hope it doesn't suck.

How are we measured for our worth? Is it the way we perceive life? Is it the way we raise our children? Or, is it the way we measure ourselves?

The transference of knowledge from a book, an experience or a person can definitely be beneficial. However, I don't want that transference of knowledge. I can do that on my own. I want epiphanies - the kind of realization that knocks you out cold.

They say that epiphanies happen when you look at something from a different perspective. From that epiphany, you actually raise your IQ by 80 points. Something to think about right there. Looking at the benefits of seeing things in a different light, why is there such a fuss resisting it?

I've been asking people I work with, people I was involved with - platonic and romantic, people I meet at a level completely different from the two aforementioned; about my worth to them. I ask bosses what my worth is to his team. I've asked friends what my worth is to them, and I've asked boyfriends, girlfriends and my husband what my worth is. The epiphany here is that, I don't need them to know my worth. I know what I'm worth.

True, it may sound so anti-climactic and cliche-ish even. But you'll never know how powerful an epiphany this is if you've never been through it yourself. It's like childbirth - you can never see your mother at a different angle until you've become one yourself.

Suddenly. the world's beautiful again.

Well, my "departure" from my motherland has been moved up. Looks like I'll be leaving in about 6 weeks.

Shet... I am some kind of a nervous myself!