Err...I'm confused and titillated at the same time...

Eww... One of my biggest pet peeves are ill-fitted shoes. Ewan ko pero diring diri talaga ako pag may nakikita akong toes na lumalampas sa shoes.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I love these moments when you make a correction and mali ka pa rin. Parang yung isang artista na kilala ko na ang alam niya sa penguin ay isa itong mammal. (Actress shall remain unnamed to protect her)

OMG. I get this almost on a daily basis with some customers. It's like they don't understand that magic does not exist!

Minsan mapapaisip ka din eh, kung ikaw ba eh magtratrabaho or magapakulong na lang. LOL!

David and I would bicker about speaking in English. Not that I have a problem with it nor does he, it's just that he speaks British English while I'm more versed in American English. It's mostly pronunciation that we bicker about (Like yoo-ree-nal not yoo-rine-al). Let's not forget the spelling issues (like color and colour)

However, we have agreed upon the fact that these two examples of English should never be replicated except if you would like to point out at the terrible mistakes they're doing or if you wanted to flat out laugh at it.

He blogs as well and with one of his articles, two individuals decided to write a comment. I did not alter or change anything. They are in their raw and pure form. I've only deleted names.

u shud change it 2, how 2 tell ur 2 year old daughter that u dont care on her bday or any other day in mr so and so’s case if u change it he wud no the question seen as we dont no anything else but his stupid pathetic excuses. u shud send step 4 to mr. so and so get on wiv it she wud b betta off wiv out him

OMG! this sounds like mr. blank can u belive it every word u wrote about al the pathetic excuses al th bull shit n sayin hel turn up on her birthday n didnt how mad a cannit believe how much this sounds like him u tuk th words right owt me mouth a well agree wi tha like FUCK YOU MR. BLANK SHES WELL BETTER WITH OWT YOU hahaha maddness thats all a can say nd a hope he see this cos hes dun every “STEP” you said “IN A BIT YOU LET DOWN”

I have the tissues nearby for your nose bleed.

Most people who know me already know the passion I put into trying to teach idiotic people correct spelling, punctuation and grammar. Just when I thought it would be tough to teach people the difference between your and you're, here come the freaking Jejemons.

What is a Jejemon? Let's consult the Urban Dictionary:
- a person WhO tyPeZ lYKeS tH1s pfOuh.. whether you are RICH, MIDDLE CLASS or POOR ifpK eU tYpE L1K3 tHiS pfOuh..eU are CONSIDERED AS JEJEMON.

- a person that nevr gets tired of typing consonants in all of his comments...

- a person that destroys the morale of language in any typing media like internet,cellphones...etc...

- is the derrogative term used for a certain categorized kind of people.They type JEJEJE or JEJEJE when they want to express laughing in written words, which happen more than often. This is why we call them jejes.

JEJE-Similar to hehehe but more like a naughty chuckle coming from the back of your throat. For instance, used while plotting an evil plan. 1. I'm going to make that guy look like such a zaris..JEJEJEex.

2. "omg! my sister farted" jejeje ex.

3. 3Ohw phOwh eVeR1yBhOodY! jejeje!

ex. 4. pFroUwd 2 b @ jEJ3mOn!

***

WTF?! Okay maybe the real question would be WHY?! Do you feel sorry for the other consonants that aren't used as much as vowels that you feel this self righteous need to put them somewhere in a word just so they won't feel left out?! Do you think this is your new form of intelligent writing that even the aliens (who are, by the way, laughing at us right now for having such dumbassery exist in the first place...) can't decipher it?

What kind of people are we leaving our world to? Did these guys even go to school? Not even with phonetics do you hear an F sound in the word PROUD! Ang saraf fukulin ng safatos!!

***

There is already an existing problem in the younger generation when it comes to spelling and being grammatically correct. Why do we need to degrade our selves even further by having these kinds of language? It shows poor breeeding and miseducation!

I have people texting me this way and I do one thing automatically - delete.

There are ten words that one must stop misspelling. I have already tackled a few of them. Click on this link to see a new way of remembering how to spell words, you doofus.

Gives new definition to the phrase "sounds like" (Photo courtesy of Boomie Man)

Check out this blog. If you fail to laugh within the first three posts then something is seriously wrong with you.

Oh and here's an original FB fail:

I'm very OC when it comes to publishing my work. I have to make sure, that even if it's just a status message on FB, it comes out correct. Call it a thing, a quirk or an irk. It just needs to be done. Even when I'm just chatting it up with someone (and you can ask Dave about this), I need to make the corrections immediately. Why? Because I don't want to be like this:

Oh dear Lord...

(For FB users, you HAVE to click on "View original post" to see the video. You MUST see the video.)

On national TV, no less...

Oiveh...

(Photo courtesy of Chuvaness)

Ahh....the wonderful virtual world of Facebook. It's a wonderful way to meet new friends, catch up with old ones and show the world how dumb we can be. *insert manic laughter here*

Lesson learned: Pay attention in class, keep political opinions to yourself and always proof read your work.

Lesson: Pervs will always be pervs, especially on the net.

Lesson: Let your friends know what they can and cannot share about you. Better yet, keep all your secrets to yourself.

Lesson: Never assume anything, dumbass...

Lesson: Don't use jargon that can be mistaken for something else and don't assume everyone knows what the hell it is that you're going on!

Contrary to popular belief, it's not a diamond that lasts forever - it's a tattoo. It's not a secret that I've got three tatts and I'm wanting to get another one again soon. If you're a first timer, make sure you have a good design - well researched and it should have great significance for you.

Second tip? Make sure you spell check. See exhibit below:

Yeah... it's a freaking tragedy!

To dumb to spellcheck...

This is an incomplete sentence...the entire sentence read "Tomarrow never knows how to spell"

Yeah...okay...

It's like a "Where's Waldo" of misspellings!!

Trust me son, I am judging you too.

Kapampangan ang tattoo artist nito...

What? My alive? Give it back! It's my alive and I want it!

There are a few things that would bring me from a cool and calm demeanor to totally freaking out in .06 seconds flat. Snakes would be one, especially if it's launched at me like a god damn fluff toy. Frogs would be another one. Another one would be incorrect word/phrase spacing.

Let's take for example the phrase "a lot". "A lot" would mean something that's more than the usual expected number; too numerous to count. "A lot" would mean an unquantifiable measurement of both tangible or intangible things - for example, "There are a lot of people in malls during the holidays" or "I like you a lot". "A lot" would mean something is plentiful, many or varied. Get the picture yet?

So, please, for the love of God and everything that's holy, can someone please explain what the hell does "alot" mean? I understand "allot" but "alot?"

Please don't expect me to understand you after this because you confuse me. Like, a lot.

I love it how we can make anything ugly or horrible sound like it's taken out of a French perfume catalog. There's nothing like making bullshit sound like it's an ounce of truffles.

Indigent transient - hobo
fecal repository - crap box
Creative license - lies

I'm pretty sure there's more. Feel free to jump in anytime.

Trainer: So, if you can't hear anyone on the other end of the line, what script do you deliver?

Trainee excitedly raises his hand like he was competing with Hermione Granger. Trainer points to him.

Trainee: (With a big smile) I know that! It's the GOAT spiel!!

Everybody bleet with me! Meeeeehhhhhh!!!!

You know the saying "the past will always come back to haunt you"? Well, I've had a recent "haunting" that I'd love to salt and burn - even while he's still alive...actually that's more preferable.

What the fuck was I thinking when I thought it was a good idea to date you then? I must have been really really drunk. Either that or I had serious self esteem issues to make me so desperate to date you, because I wouldn't even want to be in the same area code as you are today.

First off, your pathetic attempts at being mysterious is at the most pathetic and at the least, insulting. It's not cute and it's not sexy. It's vomit inducing.

Second, your misuse of pronouns is unforgivable. "These" would indicate that there are objects (plural) being referred to. "Remember these face???" is a meaningless fucking sentence. Unless you really are two faced but then again, that's just a euphemism of what you really are. And what the hell is your fascination with multiple question marks? We've already implied that it's a question! Using multiple question marks is just abusive! Oh and it's DID plus the BASE FORM of the verb.

Haven't you heard about this concept called...I don't know...I think it's called AN APOLOGY! It's appalling how you assume everything is fine and dandy after all these years between us. Dude, you cheated on me and you used me for money.

Yes, I am furious with you - and if you had to ask, your level of stupidity makes me want to make sure you never procreate. You have no right to ask about my family, most especially my mother, after what you've done to me. Now, there are only two reasons why you would contact me from out of the blue. We've already eliminated the first one so I'm going to suppose that you want something else. Honestly, if you weren't going to give me an apology, I don't want anything else to do with you.

So, I end this rant by using the immortal words of Dean Winchester: "Cram it with walnuts, ugly!"

Day...ganda lang talaga ang puhunan mo. Thank goodness you're pretty 'coz I'm pretty sure that's all you've got. You make me want to be embarrassed to be a Filipino and a woman.

Ladies, take it from me - if you can't speak the language, DON'T EVEN TRY! The world will forgive you even if you can only speak one language. But for the love of God and all things that are holy and Winchester and Kripke related, don't butcher another language just because you think you'd look cool and smart. The result will be the exact opposite.

I want to face palm myself over and over and over until I lose consciousness...




***

Thank you, Ruby for the link.

Kids, let me introduce you to the apostrophe. This is how it looks like: '. It's that little floating comma you use when you're trying to contract a word. Contractions and apostrophes are usually married. It is used when you want to shorten words such as You are to you're, it is to it's (not to be confused with its which is a possessive pronoun) and I am to I'm.

Got it so far? Good! It's a very simple concept, really. Now, what not to do is this: I'am

Seriously? It's a meaningless term - just like Quit'ty. If you wanted to use the apostrophe, please do it right. It kills a woman with OCD.