Mosey along if you don't understand Tagalog

One of the things I truly hate in this world are stupid obvious questions, na sa hindi malamang dahilan eh parang habit na ng mga Pinoy. Take my twins for example, every time I take them to the mall or somewhere where there's throngs of people they always ask me "Twins po ba sila?" I refuse to be nice now and respond as cheekily as possible. "Hindi po, sabay lang sila pinanganak. Nagkataong ding magkamukha."

Here are some of my favorite scenarios:

I'm rubbing my temples due to a dull headache, and a person comes up to me and asks "Sakit ba ng ulo mo?" I respond "Hindi, hita ko pero ayokong mag bend eh. I'm hoping magkakaroon ng echo effect ang pagmasahe ko sa ulo ko papuntang hita ko."

I'm so hungry that my stomach makes a sound. Person next to me giggles and says "Ay, siguro gutom ka ano?" I turn and respond in a deadpan face "Excuse me, I'm a musician. This is called stomach music, now leave me alone - I'm practicing"

The kids run up to me and collectively scream "Mommy". The woman beside me ask "Mga anak mo?" I hug my kids and turn to the woman and say "Hindi. Pinanganak ko lang sila tapos iniwan ko sila dito sa Mall. Binalikan ko after 4 years. Ang galing no?"

Someone drops a glass and it shatters. "Naku! Nabasag!" I stand up and feign surprise. "Naku! di nga? Weeh?! Saan! Yun ba? Oo nga! Basag nga!"

This post is dedicated to all the Captain Obviouses in the world.