Eh?

My maid saw a huge rat gallivanting in our backyard. She said it was the size of a small cat. I started to wonder how New York rats managed to migrate to the Philippines but I didn't want to go there. I just wanted the rat our of our home.

So I trekked to Ace Hardware to procure a rat trap or a rat killer or rat poison. anything that would render the rat dead as a doornail. I walked along the aisles but I couldn't see any of the items I wanted so I asked a dude who was manning one aisle.

"Excuse me, where do you keep your rat killers?"

He looks at me with a confused face.

"Rat. Poison, trap, killer, anything?"

He clears his throat and asks in a whisper "What would you need that for?"

"I dunno, maybe to kill a rat?" (What else would I use it for? Do I look like I chug rat poison for kicks?)

"How big is the rat?" He still whispers. I'm starting to think there's a rat conspiracy or maybe there's a law against killing rats now. I whisper back to him saying that it was the size of a small cat. He then points to the direction of another aisle and says "You need a rat trap then."

"Oookaaaay..." I start walking away and then I turn around to ask if he can teach me how to work one but he just disappeared.

Freaky.

I got a rat trap and was very anxious when I got to the cash register. I was afraid I was going to get caught or something. Nothing happened.

So...if I do catch that rat tonight, I'll probably bring it along to Ace hardware again and show the dude, just on principle alone. And besides, it would be funny.