If you can do this, I promise to hug you

I like hosting events. I like hosting events that have a lot of kids in them. I like hosting events that involve families. What I don't like is having to host an event with clowns and freaking mascots. What I hate more? Mascots with an attitude and a mission to make sure I get terrorized. The fuckers...

So, yesterday, I was hosting the WM Family fair. One of the sponsors that we had was Pampers - the diaper brand. They brought along their mascot, Pampa, for the kids' enjoyment. The kids love it - what, with a 7 foot plush toy that moves and interacts? Hell yeah, the kids will love it. I am, obviously, not a kid. Therefore, I do not find any kind of pleasure or joy in seeing the damn giant plushie. In fact, I dread it. I loathe it.

So when the fucker tried to sneak up on me and scare the unholy bejesus out of me, I had to consider freaking payback.

Take a look at the photo. Take a very good look at the blue elephant. Okay, done? Good.

So, on mic, I told Pampa that if he can clap and make a sound by doing so, I'll give him a hug in front of everyone and will attempt to conquer my fear of mascots. I'll even make him stay on stage right beside me if he can point at something - like really point.

Yeah...the poor fucker didn't know what hit him. He attempted to clap but all he succeeded in doing was to look like a retarded Tarzan.

He pretty much avoided me the whole day, which was just fine with me.