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Parenting: How NOT to do it

Posted by The Red Devil on Wednesday, May 16, 2012 in ,
I was reading an old piece of news about a hostage situation wherein the father took his daughter hostage. I literally had to stop and just take about three steps back because of the sheer weirdness of the headline. The first thing I thought was "If a father takes his own daughter hostage, who will pay the ransom?" Surely there's a good explanation for this, right? I realize that this is no laughing matter and it is truly terrible to be in that situation. However, this is just a truly insane piece of news. What was the guy thinking at that time? What was going through his mind when he decided to take his daughter hostage as a way to get the wife back with him. Yes. He took his daughter hostage in order to get his wife back who left him a year previous to this hostage situation. Di ba? I mean, that's a brilliant idea, Einstein! She'll definitely go back to you and then, while the police are taking you away in handcuffs, she'll realize that she loves you more than ever! Then a unicorn with pink wings will come down and rescue you and take you away in a happy place up in the clouds. You wave to the policemen who are suddenly all obese and seemingly slapstick with their reactions to your successful getaway. It's fool proof! Brilliant! It's like what Jay Mohr said on his sketch on killing your wife. Watch it below Here's an idea: Instead of psychologically and emotionally traumatizing your (soon to be ex) wife and daughter while simultaneously damaging your reputation and character forever, why don't you instead, I dunno, like maybe work hard in your job to prove to her that you can be a responsible and good provider? You can also, if you prefer, try to woo your wife again by doing the exact opposite of what you just did. Or, just for kicks, consider going on with your life. But for the love of Spongebob, don't do this. Not only are you assured that your wife will never want to be with you except under duress but you also get the bonus prize of having a daughter who will never trust you or any men for that matter. This kind of parenting fail kind of makes all the other stuff seem rather trite, doesn't it? So, you didn't make your kid wash his hands before eating, you didn't keep him hostage. So, you let her eat junk food before bed time (although I'm not encouraging you to do so), you didn't tie her hands up with plastic and used her as leverage to get your partner to take you back, right? Dumbass. I hope you get to be the prison bitch.

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