Yeah I know, don't rub it in

In all honesty, sometimes I think "Why do I even bother?"

Sometimes I get caught up in my daydreams of having a lead role in a movie or TV series that I forget I'm just a two bit D-list actress aka glorified extra.

Sometimes I think I'm "friends" with the people I work with until I remember that it's a business after all.

So, just to think about it some more, I've realized that nothing has really changed. My disillusions of being somewhat better off than who I was when I was a kid are nothing but that - disillusions. I'm still the little girl with wild wavy hair and thick glasses who loves to read and discuss weird stuff that gets her ass kicked in school by the popular jocks, pretty popular girls and everyone else in between. I'm still the one willing to appease and please everyone just so I can be liked. It's so pathetic that even I want to kick myself in the ass.

Bleah.