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The space between
What happens to a lover when the love is over? When books loaned are lost or forgotten, the CDs are burned, scratched and broken, the gifts returned or thrown away with such disdain? What gets passed on to the next lover? What gets kept in a box under the bed? What gets filed away for future reference?
A relationship is a long line of gifts given in selves to feed the ego: Here's a secret about me, nobody knows this but me and you now, this is my favorite song/place/book. It's a self sacrificial offering to a god or goddess that may or may not reciprocate. Most people won't understand what a relationship actually is, that's why it fails in marvelous proportions. That's why relationships that meant so much hurt the most when it ends - because we lose a part of ourselves that we can never get back. If the break up wasn't painful, there was no sharing of self.
But one would argue that relationships should be based on affection, love even. It's not. All relationships start with lust. Lust introduces you to love, like a set up your best friend arranged. It's frightening and exciting. When lust is over, love comes in and the sacrifice starts. At the end, it's about reciprocal comfort.
But what if there's nothing left to give anymore? Would that be the certain demise of love for you? Would that mean that love has abandoned you and you're no longer fit to be called a lover, for anyone? Is it prudent to advise those who would like to fall into the orbit of love to never give anything but to just take? Should you let other people fill the gaps that you've created?
It's those spaces that kill me; the questions that give birth to even more questions. The answers will never come though, they never do...
A relationship is a long line of gifts given in selves to feed the ego: Here's a secret about me, nobody knows this but me and you now, this is my favorite song/place/book. It's a self sacrificial offering to a god or goddess that may or may not reciprocate. Most people won't understand what a relationship actually is, that's why it fails in marvelous proportions. That's why relationships that meant so much hurt the most when it ends - because we lose a part of ourselves that we can never get back. If the break up wasn't painful, there was no sharing of self.
But one would argue that relationships should be based on affection, love even. It's not. All relationships start with lust. Lust introduces you to love, like a set up your best friend arranged. It's frightening and exciting. When lust is over, love comes in and the sacrifice starts. At the end, it's about reciprocal comfort.
But what if there's nothing left to give anymore? Would that be the certain demise of love for you? Would that mean that love has abandoned you and you're no longer fit to be called a lover, for anyone? Is it prudent to advise those who would like to fall into the orbit of love to never give anything but to just take? Should you let other people fill the gaps that you've created?
It's those spaces that kill me; the questions that give birth to even more questions. The answers will never come though, they never do...
