0
Je vous ai compris
Posted by The Red Devil
on
Thursday, August 20, 2009
in
Writings
There are reasons why I am what I am and there are even more reasons why you think I'm a schizophrenic twat. I'm a walking contradiction, a maelstrom of different personalities and identities. I'm confusing and that's the way I like it. The moment that you figure me out will be the moment that I will cease to exist.
If I let you under my skin; if I let you see what's under my folds and layers, consider it a treasure - a gift. Because I don't do that and if you find something beautiful under there, then it's yours to keep. Shiny objects mean nothing to me.
I will let you love me. I'll let you hold me, guard me, protect me, be selfish with me. On a good day, I'll even let you see a glimpse, a sliver, a tenth of a fraction of an inch of my small beating heart. But when the time comes that I start wanting you back; that I start looking for you in nooks and crannies, in small cracks and crevices on walls and other flat surfaces - when that day comes, know that I will no longer be there for you. Do not look for me as I have long left, gone in a flash, like a vivid dream that you cannot recall but feel. I will let you love me but I can never love you back. I won't allow it.
If this revelation hurts you, if this spoken secret makes you feel you have to reverse the roles and despise me, I understand. Je vous ai compris. Resent me, make me your one big regret - whatever makes it easier for you. This is my way.
But if you want me, still, even after all these revelations and insanities; if you still think I am the most beautiful thing you've ever seen; if you still believe that I am capable of love and loving, I will come to you and burrow at your side. I will be content to walk on the ridges of your palms. I will give myself to you, with everything that I am and own. Only if...
If I let you under my skin; if I let you see what's under my folds and layers, consider it a treasure - a gift. Because I don't do that and if you find something beautiful under there, then it's yours to keep. Shiny objects mean nothing to me.
I will let you love me. I'll let you hold me, guard me, protect me, be selfish with me. On a good day, I'll even let you see a glimpse, a sliver, a tenth of a fraction of an inch of my small beating heart. But when the time comes that I start wanting you back; that I start looking for you in nooks and crannies, in small cracks and crevices on walls and other flat surfaces - when that day comes, know that I will no longer be there for you. Do not look for me as I have long left, gone in a flash, like a vivid dream that you cannot recall but feel. I will let you love me but I can never love you back. I won't allow it.
If this revelation hurts you, if this spoken secret makes you feel you have to reverse the roles and despise me, I understand. Je vous ai compris. Resent me, make me your one big regret - whatever makes it easier for you. This is my way.
But if you want me, still, even after all these revelations and insanities; if you still think I am the most beautiful thing you've ever seen; if you still believe that I am capable of love and loving, I will come to you and burrow at your side. I will be content to walk on the ridges of your palms. I will give myself to you, with everything that I am and own. Only if...
