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Fugitive
You're supposed to have clearer perspectives as an adult; you're supposed to have been equipped with a plethora of experiences and a lexicon of knowledge to assist you in making a smart, logical and sound decision. "Supposed to" is the perfect operative phrase because 98% of all bad decisions and wrong moves are done by adults. I guess that's why we have a capacious vocabulary as well - so we can call ourselves dumbasses in so many different ways (and languages too.) Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my world - where stupidity is a perpetual state of being.
What have I learned so far?
1. I don't do well in exile. Not only have I managed to successfully alienate people in real life (and proved that I do have the social skills of a toad). I have now cut myself off from a group of individuals who would give me the freaking time of day.
2. I really don't have a social circle to speak of. Either that or I have the timing of a perfectly broken watch.
3. Real life is rewarding - that's what I believe in every time I interact with my kids. However, sometimes I want to improve the level of conversation. I can only take so much Disney Channel.
4. Real life is scary and cruel. It's like a freaking horror movie in surround sound and high definition. I now know why I love the virtual world - no matter how badly I fuck up in here, it can't be as worse as when I do something right out there. I'm the queen of make-fucking-believe, I live the illusion. In here, I can create worlds, process through emotions without fear of being labeled. In here, I can delete and edit entries I've done and have been unhappy with. In here, I never fear being prejudiced without having the capability to fight back. Don't judge me just because I wallow in it. Remember that the best part of believe is the lie.
5. The gravity of my current real life situation keeps hitting me like little sharp pebbles. When I decided to go on "exile", it hit me like a Mack truck with a loader full of cement blocks. How's that for a wake up call? Maybe the virtual world has become my crutch - the "something positive" to look forward to at the end (or start or middle, doesn't matter...) of the day. It's cheaper than therapy and more interactive. I'm not ready to let go of it just yet.
***
In short, I'll be in and out, sporadically. Not too much and not cold turkey.
What have I learned so far?
1. I don't do well in exile. Not only have I managed to successfully alienate people in real life (and proved that I do have the social skills of a toad). I have now cut myself off from a group of individuals who would give me the freaking time of day.
2. I really don't have a social circle to speak of. Either that or I have the timing of a perfectly broken watch.
3. Real life is rewarding - that's what I believe in every time I interact with my kids. However, sometimes I want to improve the level of conversation. I can only take so much Disney Channel.
4. Real life is scary and cruel. It's like a freaking horror movie in surround sound and high definition. I now know why I love the virtual world - no matter how badly I fuck up in here, it can't be as worse as when I do something right out there. I'm the queen of make-fucking-believe, I live the illusion. In here, I can create worlds, process through emotions without fear of being labeled. In here, I can delete and edit entries I've done and have been unhappy with. In here, I never fear being prejudiced without having the capability to fight back. Don't judge me just because I wallow in it. Remember that the best part of believe is the lie.
5. The gravity of my current real life situation keeps hitting me like little sharp pebbles. When I decided to go on "exile", it hit me like a Mack truck with a loader full of cement blocks. How's that for a wake up call? Maybe the virtual world has become my crutch - the "something positive" to look forward to at the end (or start or middle, doesn't matter...) of the day. It's cheaper than therapy and more interactive. I'm not ready to let go of it just yet.
***
In short, I'll be in and out, sporadically. Not too much and not cold turkey.
