I have the secret

I just came back from my trip to the US and I must say, I have learned a lot of things about me and about life that changed my perspectives. I'm partially bummed that I realized them just now, but I do believe that I had to find out this way, on my own to fully understand the impact rather than force myself to learn about them when I clearly wasn't ready.

I realized that people (men especially) treat me the way I treat and perceive myself. In every failed relationship I've ever been into, I always feel like I've failed it due to my own shortcomings. I'm not going to wash my hands of my errors, I mean, I did have mistakes and made my bed so many times as well but my very first mistake was to think that I wasn't worthy of their love, attention and respect. Of course, now I realize that I am worthy and that I deserve to be taken care of and that I deserve to be rescued and be treated right - like every other woman. Being taken care of by my partner would not diminish my strength, character and independence (as a woman), it is what is right for me. I have now understood how to appreciate myself so that other people could.

I realized that my physical appearance is palatable, even attractive. All these years of poor self esteem and insecurities about how I look are just amusing now. Not that I'd fall into the vanity wagon or narcissism, it's more of an appreciation of how I look - the uniqueness of me. I don't need to measure my self worth by the number of women I see in magazines or even those that surround me on a daily basis. I had to understand this and appreciate it for myself and not hear it form other people to be able to make that change.

Things are going to be different from now on. Things are going to positively change for me, not because of some quick fix or miracle cure, but because I want them to change. They're changing for the better because I deserve these changes and I need these changes. Life is too short for baggage. I'm leaving them at the baggage check.

I've got beautiful children who love me unconditionally. I have a wonderful mother and family that have always been and will always be by my side. I have a handful of friends (virtual and tangible) that I adore and who adore me back. The rest of the things I want to have will eventually come to me (which includes a guest stint over at Supernatural or a date with Jared Padalecki, whichever comes first.)

Life, truly is, beautiful.