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The price of vanity
After three months of enduring the curls on my head, I finally have the time and money to have it straightened. Believe me, my overall appearance require orange cones and a police tape.
Now here's the thing, I have money but not enough money to get my locks a-straightened at them eyx-pyensive sa-lons, so I ask dear mother to join me. (In hopes that she'll foot the bill. Call me stupid but I'm the only child, I've had a lot of practicemanipulating...convincing my mother to pay for me)
"Ma, I think you need a haircut"
"I know...even my boss says so."
(Thank you, LORD!)
"So, let's go to Bench fix salon, or to Piandre"
"Sira ka ba?! Amahal mahal dun noh! (Are you nuts? It's too expensive there!)
"So, saan?" (where?)
"La Isabelle"
***
La Isabelle... Sounds really classy. Sounds like a salon that has people that smile once you come in, asking if you want water, coffee or tea. Hmm... sounds like my kind of a salon.
It's not.
***
We come in this salon that just looks so sad and pathetic. It reeks of odors that remind you of the 70s...like it's been there since the 70s! The hairdressers look like they've just escaped from prison! No, let me correct that: they look like they're people who've got family living in pods somewhere and they only come out at night to suck the essence of living people!!
One very manly looking hairdresser asks me what I need to have done. I'm not so sure if the hairdresser is just one ugly looking woman or a pathetic excuse for a crossdresser. I become very scared at this point.
"Mag papa relax po." (I need to have my hair relaxed)
"Uh..hum.." Ugly hairdresser starts going through my hair as if it were yarn hair on a fucking raggedy ann doll. Excuse me!! That's my scalp you're digging your dirty claws into! I was talking about my hair straightened not a fucking lobotomy!!
Ugly hairdresser starts screaming something to a poor frazzled girl. I think her name's Mayet. Mayet runs off to the back room, where I imagine some poor kolehiyala is tied up and crying her eyes out, begging to be released. I start imagining Mayet telling the girl that it's alright and that when everyone is asleep tonight, she'll let her go but she'd have to take Mayet with her.
Anyway, Mayet comes back with this very potent white goop. She places it on the tray and quickly runs away. Must be some radioactive shit. Wait...they're putting that on my hair?? What have I gotten myself into??? I shoot a desperate plea to my mother who completely ignores me.
Ugly hairdresser puts the goo on my hair with a disclaimer:
" Oo nga pala, mahapdi ito kaya wag ka masyadong malikot ha?" (By the way, this stuff stings like a bitch so if I were you, I'd keep my movements minimal and slow)
Great, she/he/it is putting the spazz of satan on my head.
True enough, that thing hurt like a bitch!! I was getting a little worried when I was starting to see dancing elves in front of me. So I tell her/him/it that it was getting kinda itchy round my head and she says: "Kaya nga eh, ang likot mo kasi" (That's right, your fault, you're too twitchy)
She/he/it then asks me to go to the back room with her. I actually flinched and hesitated. What if they'll tie me up too? I figured, my mom's here so all I have to do is scream, right?
Apparently there's a hair washer thingee round back. It doesn't look very comfortable but weighing the options of whether I suffer a little bit of discomfort vs. searing pain on my scalp, I opted for discomfort. While she/he/it was washing my hair, it occurred to me that I have a little bit of that gunk on my face. I asked her/him/it to look at it and she said that nothing was there. Maybe it's psychological, shrugging my shoulders, I closed my eyes and let the water heal me.
I had that shit on my face. Now I have a pimple the size of Mount Everest and a pseudo freckle the size of Long Island!
***
Two hours and a lot of pain and mental cursing later, my hair is straight. I look at the mirror and realize that vanity does really come with a price - and it's equivalent to a lot of pain and discomfort if you're not willing to cough up the dough. I promised myself that I will never go back there. I mean, what could be worse, right?
A mother with a harajuku haircut.
Now here's the thing, I have money but not enough money to get my locks a-straightened at them eyx-pyensive sa-lons, so I ask dear mother to join me. (In hopes that she'll foot the bill. Call me stupid but I'm the only child, I've had a lot of practice
"Ma, I think you need a haircut"
"I know...even my boss says so."
(Thank you, LORD!)
"So, let's go to Bench fix salon, or to Piandre"
"Sira ka ba?! Amahal mahal dun noh! (Are you nuts? It's too expensive there!)
"So, saan?" (where?)
"La Isabelle"
***
La Isabelle... Sounds really classy. Sounds like a salon that has people that smile once you come in, asking if you want water, coffee or tea. Hmm... sounds like my kind of a salon.
It's not.
***
We come in this salon that just looks so sad and pathetic. It reeks of odors that remind you of the 70s...like it's been there since the 70s! The hairdressers look like they've just escaped from prison! No, let me correct that: they look like they're people who've got family living in pods somewhere and they only come out at night to suck the essence of living people!!
One very manly looking hairdresser asks me what I need to have done. I'm not so sure if the hairdresser is just one ugly looking woman or a pathetic excuse for a crossdresser. I become very scared at this point.
"Mag papa relax po." (I need to have my hair relaxed)
"Uh..hum.." Ugly hairdresser starts going through my hair as if it were yarn hair on a fucking raggedy ann doll. Excuse me!! That's my scalp you're digging your dirty claws into! I was talking about my hair straightened not a fucking lobotomy!!
Ugly hairdresser starts screaming something to a poor frazzled girl. I think her name's Mayet. Mayet runs off to the back room, where I imagine some poor kolehiyala is tied up and crying her eyes out, begging to be released. I start imagining Mayet telling the girl that it's alright and that when everyone is asleep tonight, she'll let her go but she'd have to take Mayet with her.
Anyway, Mayet comes back with this very potent white goop. She places it on the tray and quickly runs away. Must be some radioactive shit. Wait...they're putting that on my hair?? What have I gotten myself into??? I shoot a desperate plea to my mother who completely ignores me.
Ugly hairdresser puts the goo on my hair with a disclaimer:
" Oo nga pala, mahapdi ito kaya wag ka masyadong malikot ha?" (By the way, this stuff stings like a bitch so if I were you, I'd keep my movements minimal and slow)
Great, she/he/it is putting the spazz of satan on my head.
True enough, that thing hurt like a bitch!! I was getting a little worried when I was starting to see dancing elves in front of me. So I tell her/him/it that it was getting kinda itchy round my head and she says: "Kaya nga eh, ang likot mo kasi" (That's right, your fault, you're too twitchy)
She/he/it then asks me to go to the back room with her. I actually flinched and hesitated. What if they'll tie me up too? I figured, my mom's here so all I have to do is scream, right?
Apparently there's a hair washer thingee round back. It doesn't look very comfortable but weighing the options of whether I suffer a little bit of discomfort vs. searing pain on my scalp, I opted for discomfort. While she/he/it was washing my hair, it occurred to me that I have a little bit of that gunk on my face. I asked her/him/it to look at it and she said that nothing was there. Maybe it's psychological, shrugging my shoulders, I closed my eyes and let the water heal me.
I had that shit on my face. Now I have a pimple the size of Mount Everest and a pseudo freckle the size of Long Island!
***
Two hours and a lot of pain and mental cursing later, my hair is straight. I look at the mirror and realize that vanity does really come with a price - and it's equivalent to a lot of pain and discomfort if you're not willing to cough up the dough. I promised myself that I will never go back there. I mean, what could be worse, right?
A mother with a harajuku haircut.
