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The case of the EX-files
Was reading my hubby's best friend's blog and laughed my ass off with one of her entries. Here's my own version of that. (Names have been changed to protect the identity of these creatures that really don't need protection)
Ex file#1: Santiago
A very VERY devout born again christian. Met him in church when I was in my born-again phase. When I quit the church, he quit too and pursued me.
Reason for break-up: Good old fashioned Christian guilt
Break up line: "Let's get right with God"
Retort: "Wasn't he part of this relationship already? You were always calling out his name everytime we had sex!"
Where is he now?" Married as well, to a VERY young girl (Barely legal)
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Ex-file#2: Habababachiznaks
Co-worker/subordinate. Very charming. Pursued me, wined and dined me.
Reason for break-up: I had enough of his cheating and lying ass.
Break-up line: "Fine! You want to go this way? Then fine!"
Retort: "If I had my way, you'd have your genitals stapled to your forehead. That would be fine."
Where is he now?: Still singe, still a loser, has kids from different women and god forbid I see him again.
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Ex-files #3 - Parumpapumpum
Drummer for a band. Found him cute, found me adorable. Relationship lasted for a week. HE thought I was smothering, I thought he was insane.
Reason for break-up: He accused me of being too smothering when I call him...about once a week.
Break-up line: "Will you please stop being a stalker?!"
Retort: "Will you please stop pretending to have 48 chromosomes?"
Where is he now?: No idea. Don't care.
***
There are more horror stories for me to tell, but that's for another entry...
Ex file#1: Santiago
A very VERY devout born again christian. Met him in church when I was in my born-again phase. When I quit the church, he quit too and pursued me.
Reason for break-up: Good old fashioned Christian guilt
Break up line: "Let's get right with God"
Retort: "Wasn't he part of this relationship already? You were always calling out his name everytime we had sex!"
Where is he now?" Married as well, to a VERY young girl (Barely legal)
_________________________________________________________________
Ex-file#2: Habababachiznaks
Co-worker/subordinate. Very charming. Pursued me, wined and dined me.
Reason for break-up: I had enough of his cheating and lying ass.
Break-up line: "Fine! You want to go this way? Then fine!"
Retort: "If I had my way, you'd have your genitals stapled to your forehead. That would be fine."
Where is he now?: Still singe, still a loser, has kids from different women and god forbid I see him again.
_________________________________________________________________
Ex-files #3 - Parumpapumpum
Drummer for a band. Found him cute, found me adorable. Relationship lasted for a week. HE thought I was smothering, I thought he was insane.
Reason for break-up: He accused me of being too smothering when I call him...about once a week.
Break-up line: "Will you please stop being a stalker?!"
Retort: "Will you please stop pretending to have 48 chromosomes?"
Where is he now?: No idea. Don't care.
***
There are more horror stories for me to tell, but that's for another entry...
