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Musings for the day
Saw this in a blog somewhere and it made me laugh my big butt off!
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. wahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation marks
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer. (This killed me!)
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Devon.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won! 3rd time this week!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." (AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!)
***
This weekend was totally weird. I had a weird dream with my dead ex in it. I shit you not. I was of course 2 steps short of a heart attack. This was my high school boyfriend who managed to end his life.
Me: What are you doing here?
Him: Nothing, can't a guy visit?
Me: Not when he's dead.
Him: Oh C'mon. I'm just seeing how you are.
Me: And now that you've seen it, can you please go? You're kinda creeping me out.
Him: (Laughs) You did good. A good husband, wonderful children and a great job.
Me: You seem to be forgetting the good looking in the husband, beautiful and healthy in the children and fucking in the job.
Him: (Laughs) Good to see you still have that sense of humor.
Me: Ok, seriously, what are you doing here?
Him: I wanted to say I'm sorry for what I've done. I admit, I wasn't the best boyfriend. I just want you to know that I did care for you and that I loved you.
Me: Man, that was years ago! We were kids who didn't know any better. We're good. I cared for you too. I loved you too. Don't worry about it. Pardon the pun, but that's six feet under.
Him: (Laughs) You really crack me up.
Me: I think I'm cracked up. I'm having a conversation with my dead ex!
Him: Listen, can you do me a favor?
Me: Oh no. None of those favors from dead people. You have to make good of those favors in fear of said dead person visiting you again and taking you to the other side.
Him: It's just a small one. A trifle, really.
Me: I guess I can't say no, seeing that I'm still asleep and dreaming.
Him: Can you visit my family for me? Just tell them I'm ok.
Me: But they live in Quezon City!
*Motherhen wakes up*
Non-dreaming me: Oh fuck.
***
Today marks the 4th year of insanity for my hubby. It's been 4 years since he signed that contract that says "You can't get rid of her now"
Happy Anniversary Baby!
I love you!
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. wahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation marks
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer. (This killed me!)
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Devon.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won! 3rd time this week!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." (AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!)
***
This weekend was totally weird. I had a weird dream with my dead ex in it. I shit you not. I was of course 2 steps short of a heart attack. This was my high school boyfriend who managed to end his life.
Me: What are you doing here?
Him: Nothing, can't a guy visit?
Me: Not when he's dead.
Him: Oh C'mon. I'm just seeing how you are.
Me: And now that you've seen it, can you please go? You're kinda creeping me out.
Him: (Laughs) You did good. A good husband, wonderful children and a great job.
Me: You seem to be forgetting the good looking in the husband, beautiful and healthy in the children and fucking in the job.
Him: (Laughs) Good to see you still have that sense of humor.
Me: Ok, seriously, what are you doing here?
Him: I wanted to say I'm sorry for what I've done. I admit, I wasn't the best boyfriend. I just want you to know that I did care for you and that I loved you.
Me: Man, that was years ago! We were kids who didn't know any better. We're good. I cared for you too. I loved you too. Don't worry about it. Pardon the pun, but that's six feet under.
Him: (Laughs) You really crack me up.
Me: I think I'm cracked up. I'm having a conversation with my dead ex!
Him: Listen, can you do me a favor?
Me: Oh no. None of those favors from dead people. You have to make good of those favors in fear of said dead person visiting you again and taking you to the other side.
Him: It's just a small one. A trifle, really.
Me: I guess I can't say no, seeing that I'm still asleep and dreaming.
Him: Can you visit my family for me? Just tell them I'm ok.
Me: But they live in Quezon City!
*Motherhen wakes up*
Non-dreaming me: Oh fuck.
***
Today marks the 4th year of insanity for my hubby. It's been 4 years since he signed that contract that says "You can't get rid of her now"
Happy Anniversary Baby!
I love you!
